Script for Ace and Jocelyn - Episode 1 |
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Episode[]
- (Amir is holding the camera. Just around the corner, Jake is filling his arms with telephones. Suddenly, Amir comes out and surprises Jake, making him drop the telephones.)
- Amir: Woo!
- Jake: God!
- Amir: Oo, my lord, it's time for the Astronaut Accountants featuring Ace and Jocelyn!
- Jake: What the fuck are you doing?
- Amir: Basically, we're two astronaut accountants from outer space. You're Ace, good-looking ladies guy—
- Jake: I don't care—
- Amir: —and I'm Jocelyn, your sort of sidekick, a little more cute, but I still get pussy, but not as much as you because I don't look as good in jeans. And basic—
- Jake: Will you help me pick these up? Please?
- Amir: (Inspecting a telephone) Oh my gosh! What a find! What are these weird plastic rods? Who am I supposed to call with them? I have no idea I'm fr—
- Jake: So you know they're for calling people, but you don't—but you think they're foreign rods. But they're for calling people definitely. Right?
- Amir: Stick to the script, brotha. Let's cut. Let's—
- Jake: What script?
- Amir: I emailed you a script.
- Jake: When?
- Amir: Right before I got here, like 10 seconds ago.
- Jake: Oh my god, Amir, wha—what do I say to that? You know that that's stupid, right?
- (Amir is in the bathroom, holding the camera)
- Amir: They can't go anywhere without being together, not even the bathroom.
- Jake: (From one of the stalls) I can hear you, and you better not fucking tape me, Amir.
- Amir: (Putting the video camera over the stall door) What's that, Ace?
- Jake: Oh my—
- (Jake throws a roll of toilet paper at the camera)
- Amir: Oh my—!
- ("THE END" scrolls three times very quickly Star Wars style)
- (Jake is sitting at his desk talking on his phone. His words have been edited and pieced together to make him say the following line.)
- Jake: Until next time, you're my best friend, Jocelyn.
- (Amir is talking into the camera in some random room)
- Amir: You're my best too, Ace.