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Script for Ace and Jocelyn Shirt
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Opening SequenceEdit

Amir: You're watching an all new episode of Ace.
Jake: Please don't.
Amir: And Jocelyn.
Jake: I said don't.

EpisodeEdit

Amir: Hello my fellow astronaut accountants. I've been under Jake's... uhh.... Ace's desk for the past three hours.
Jake: Hey, is match.com down for anybody else? Cos I'm 99% sure an uggo fuggo just tried to look at my profile... and I gotta troll her.
[Amir emerges from the desk. ]
Amir: Boom! Oh... Hello Ace. It is I... Jocelyn.
Jake: I have time for this.
Amir: Well, if you got the time, then I got the shirt to show you.
[The Ace Jocelyn theme tune plays while Amir shows the shirt at different angles. ]
Amir: Who do you think would wear this shirt, Jake... - Ace?
Jake: Called me Jake for a second there.
Amir: I didn't, I said Ace! Who do you think would wear this shirt?
Jake: Oh my god, me alone.
Amir: No. Other people too.
Jake: You're gonna edit this like I'm -
Amir (voiceover Jake): Chill dude!
Jake: - aren't you?
Amir: The chillest.
[A cartoon of a rocket flies from the bottom of the screen to the top. A rooster crows in the background.]
Amir: Thank you for wearing the shirt by the way, my friend.
Jake: I'm not wearing the -
[Scene changes to Jake lying on a couch, now wearing the new Ace Jocelyn t-shirt. His nose is bleeding.]
Jake: oh... dude, what the f-
Amir (voiceover Jake): Chill dude!
Amir: Awesome shirt, Ace. Where'd you get it?
Jake: Did you change me?
Amir: Bustedtees.com? That sounds like a pretty sick space site.
Jake: You punched me in the face.
Amir: With a great deal!
Jake: No, with your fists. You knocked me out.
Amir: With low prices.
Jake: Dude, did-did-did you steal my phone?
Amir: Ok, stop being a bitch and play along for half a second
Jake: You stole my wallet and my phone, dude.
Amir: The only thing that's a steal here are these low prices.
Jake: Alright, that's it.
[The camera falls to the ground. Jake starts punching Amir.]
Amir: Ow no! Ow! Stop hugging... me... Ace!
[Star wipe to reveal Amir, holding a bloodied tissue to his nose.]
Jake: Hey Amir, I'm sorry.
Amir: Jocelyn.
Jake: Jocelyn, I'm sorry.
Amir: Sorry, yeah. It's fine, my nose is just bleeding from the high altitude and low prices heh... ow... that hurts.
Jake: Ok, I lost my cool, ok? Any way I can make it up to you?
[Scene wipe to reveal Jake sitting on a couch with a script in front of him.]
Amir: Rolling!
Jake: Oh my god, don't sound like you're crying all the time, Jesus.
Amir: Just start!
Jake: Houston, we have a problem! These shirts are too fat.
Amir: With emotion!
Jake: These shirts are so hot, they're practically on fire.
Amir: Ok, great.
[He approaches Jake with a lighter. Jake protests. A new scene appears with Jake's shirt half burned off of him. The scene is badly edited by Amir. (each dash represents a new piece of footage from the clip)]
Jake: You're - amazing. You're fu- amazing. And you know what else man? This shirt, it's - amazing. You know who's going to buy one of these? - Everybody. - You got that?
Amir: I got that, Ace. I got that.
Amir: Here we go... oh ah ah ah ah! Hmm... early. I'll start on that. Ok, 3... 2... 1... oh ah ah ah ah! DAMNIT! Ok, forget it.
[The rocket cartoon flies from the bottom of the screen to the top. A rooster crows in the background.]

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