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Script for Angry Birds
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: Hey, you're watching—
Amir: What? You're watching who? You're watching chicka-chicka Jake Hurwitz.

EpisodeEdit

(Jake is sitting on a couch playing on his phone, when Amir comes in)
Amir: What are you doing?
Jake: What was I doing, or what am I doing now? Because what I was doing was kicking ass at Angry Birds, and what I'm doing now is getting ready to kick your ass, since you're frigging me up at the game.
Amir: (Reaching for Jake's phone) I own at this game, so lemme play one second—
Jake: Ahh!
Amir: One second—!
Jake: You are an anus of the highest calibre! Don't grab at my phone!
Amir: I once beat the first level in one chicken so I obviously know—
Jake: Well they're not chickens they're birds.
Amir: Yeah, well a chicken is a bird, so.
Jake: Yeah well it's not called Angry Chickens, it's called Angry Birds.
Amir: Yeah, well you have to capture eggs, and chickens lay eggs.
Jake: Well so do hens.
Amir: A hen is a chicken!
Jake: Is it? Is it really?
Amir: Yeah, it is a female chicken!
Jake: Fine, fine, I'm f**king with you. It doesn't even matter. Just shut up. Every time you talk, I'm taking away a turn. You lose a turn every time you talk.
Amir: No way.
Jake: That's one turn lost already.
Amir: No, because I never agreed—
Jake: Two! That's two! You don't have to agree. That's two turns.
Amir: Lemme start over—
Jake: Three.
Amir: —I agree to the rules.
Jake: Three.
Amir: I said I agree to the rules—
Jake: That's four.
Amir: I'm not gonna say anything when we start—
Jake: That's five. We're starting. We already started.
(Amir half snores)
Jake: Please be quiet with your breathing, you're f**king me up.
Amir: I'm not saying anything!
Jake: You're breathing really heavy!
Amir: Okay I'm nervous for you!
Jake: Just shut up! Just sit back, and don't say anything.
Amir: My cousin beat 23 levels of this game. I know how to play it—!
Jake: That is bullspit, that is bullspit.
Amir: It's not bulls—okay you just got a text message from your dad, it said "me and your mom are worried about you".
Jake: Yeah, they're probably worried that I'm not gonna be able to beat the game, but they're wrong! Cause I can play it all the time. Here fine, you wanna play?
Amir: Yeah—
Jake: WELL WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR OWN PHONE THEN.
(Amir wells up and leaves)
Jake: You will respect my authorita. Pigf**ker. (...) You pigf**ker. Eat that sh*t, you pigf**ker! You make me feel like I'm living a bird might dream, something something huh.
(Streeter opens the door, Amir behind him)
Streeter: Jake, can you just let him play, please?
Jake: He can get his own phone, Streeter.
Streeter: Can you let him play?
Jake: Streeter he can get his own phone!
Streeter: You can share!
Amir: Yeah you can share with me, you anus of the highest calendar!

OutroEdit

(Amir is sitting next to Jake, using his phone, but holding it so the screen is facing away from him)
Amir: Okay get me to the game. How do you—(sneezes on the phone) how do you get to it?

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