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Script for Beer
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EpisodeEdit

Amir: So drunk.
Jake: You're drunk right now?
Amir: No, last night I got so drunk.
Jake: Oh, you—nice.
Amir: I had, like, so many beers.
Jake: How many? How many is so many?
Amir: I was like retarded.
Jake: You were? How many beers did you have?
Amir: Sixty.
Jake: Sixty? That's—sixty is way too many. That's not a believable number at all.
Amir: I know. How many is believable?
Jake: Twelve?
Amir: Yeah, I know. Twelve. I had twelve.
Jake: You had twelve?
Amir: I had twelve beers, yeah. Stupid, afterwards.
Jake: Yeah, I don't believe you. I don't think you even know—I don't think you've had a beer, ever. Yeah.
Amir: Yeah right. I drink it all the time.
Jake: What does it taste like?
Amir: Sweet. So sweet. Like sug—what?
Jake: It's not sweet. Like sugar?
Amir: No.
Jake: You think it tastes like sugar?
Amir: It tastes not like sugar. It tastes like the opposite.
Jake: Closer. Like what?
Amir: Just like you're drinking—like you're drinking a sourdough baguette.
Jake: No. That's not it either.
Amir: Here's two—that was two things it doesn't taste like.
Jake: Exactly, so what does it taste like?
Amir: It tastes—you know—beer's water. It's like a fermentable starch source, alright? It's like, malted barley, yeast, it's common for flavoring to be added—
Jake: Like hops, a mixture of starch sources to be used with a secondary starch source. Uh, yeah. Uh, You're on the Wikipedia page. I'm reading it too.
Amir: You are?
Jake: Rice and sugar often being turned into junk, especially when used with...
Amir: Yeah, I see where you're at, but I wasn't reading it.
Jake: You see where I'm at, but you weren't reading it?
Amir: Why, what are you doing tonight? How many beers are you gonna have? I'll double it, easy.
Jake: I'm not drinking tonight, I have to take my cat to the vet, actually.
Amir: Take a drink before or after, whatever you drink—
Jake: She has heart palpitations and they might have to put her down.
Amir: So sick.

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