Script for Blender
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake—I'm not ticklish, so stop.
Amir: Hee hee hee hee!
Jake: That's you.


(Amir is blending, quite loudly)
Jake: Hey. Hey. Hey!
Amir: I can't hear you!
Jake: Stop blending!
(Amir stops blending)
Amir: What's up?
Jake: Nothing to yell over now, right?
Amir: Oh yeah.
Jake: Yeah, well, I want you to stop—
(Amir starts blending again)
Jake: Dude! Please!
(Amir stops blending)
Amir: What?
Jake: What are you doing?
Amir: You know how you're always telling me to blend stuff? Like, "blender!".
Jake: I've told you to shower, I've told you to stop being mean to children, I've asked you repeatedly to learn words like "dollop" and "gimmick" and "gregarious" cause you don't know what words mean...
Amir: Blend! Blend this!
Jake: Never, ever, have I ever mentioned a blender to you!
(Amir starts blending again)
Jake: Cool!
Amir: I'm listening!
Jake: You're blending again!
(Amir stops blending)
Jake: Why blending?
Amir: It's healthy.
Jake: What's in there?
Amir: French fries, chicken nuggets, bacon, low-fat Häagen-Dazs, and oh yeah—a "dollop" of mayo. (Puts a dollop of mayo in the blender) This is gross to some.
Jake: It's gross to all. I think I'm gonna puke.
Amir: Do it in the blender!
Jake: Aw, come on.
Amir: It's funny, if you would have told me three years ago that I'd be here, blending—I would have burnt you at the stake for being a witch. But, you would have been right.
Jake: Hey hey hey, look. If you have any respect for me, for yourself, you will not drink that.
Amir: Bottoms up.
(Amir chugs a glass of the liquid)
Jake: You okay?
Amir: I'm good.
Jake: That was good?
Amir: That was kosher.
Jake: You sure you're alright? You look a little—
Amir: I'm blind.
Jake: What?
Amir: I'm blind, yeah, it got, like, darker and blurrier the more I drank, and then by the end—I'm blind, 100%!
Jake: Why would have kept drinking?!
Amir: I thought it was a gimmic or something!
Jake: You have to start learning words, man.
Amir: What's the point, I can't frikking see!
Jake: Okay, relax. I'm gonna induce vomiting. Okay?
Amir: How?
Jake: I'm gonna come over there and stick my finger down your throat until you throw up.
Amir: Don—have you left yet?
Jake: Alright, here we go. (Sticks his finger in Amir's mouth) Let it up. Let it up, baby. Come on! Come on, you gotta let it up! Come on! You wanna see? Let it up!
(Amir removes Jake's finger from his mouth)
Amir: It's fine, okay? I can see! I got my vision back by the time you got over here.
Jake: Then why would you let me do that?!
Amir: I wanted to see if you were gregarious. Ohhh! Turns out? Ya were.
(Amir pukes)
Jake: Aw, aw!
Amir: We puked! Who saw us puke?
Jake: I didn't pu—you just puked!
Amir: We did it!

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