Script for EBay
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Opening SequenceEdit

Amir: Gimme a J!
Jake: No time to spell my name.
Amir: Okay, I was spelling my name.
Jake: Then you were wrong.
Amir: Ah.


Jake: Hey dude!
Amir: (Singing to the tune of Hey Jude) Hey dude, don't make it brr! (not knowing the words)
Jake: Yeah what's up? What are you doing?
Amir: I'm just settling this area, making sure that everything is like... under... control...
Jake: Sure sure, that's cool. Hey uh, quick question: (yelling) where the fuck is my stuff?
Amir: (taking off earphones) Huh?
Jake: You were not wearing those a second ago.
Amir: Sorry?
Jake: My desk is empty, alright? Everything is gone.
Amir: Ooooh, yeah! (laughs)
Jake: (laughs)
Amir: Have you ever heard of eBay?
Jake: Yes.
Amir: It's like an electronic bay...
Jake: I said I heard of it. Did you sell my stuff on eBay?
Amir: No. Well, I tried to. Def tried to. Tried to get some big players, big things, lots of bucks. Almost sold your computer for 10K. Split two ways, how does that sound?
Jake: How much would that be?
Amir: (streches his mouth's corners as to show unconfidence)
Jake: You know, never mind. If you didn't sell my stuff, where is it?
Amir: Well, at first I didn't sell it, true. But then, lowered the price, you know. (Begins speaking in British accent) Sans reserve, no reserve, got lots of more fishies, reeled a couple in, made some deals.
Jake: Okay, so earlier when you said you didn't sell my stuff on eBay...
Amir: Oh yeah yeah, I meant like, the prices were so low I was practically giving them away. So it was like... it was like a steal, you know?
Jake: Yeah, it was a steal. You stole it from me.
Amir: Sure, stole it and sold it brotha, I mean it's highway robbery, you know? What are we even arguing about anymore? I can't even remember!
Jake: I guess it's not an argument if you're just admitting everything.
Amir: (rubbing hands) Alright, problem-o solved-o!
Jake: Okay, it's still not, I don't have any stuff!
Amir: Alright, will you just go through your day like you normally would and then, if you happen to stumble upon a problem we'll take it from there, we'll cross that river when we get to it, okay?
Jake: Almost sounds logical, but right off the bat I have no damn computer to turn on.
Amir: Alright, right off the bat you usually get some water before you turn your computer on, so it doesn't look like you're stumbling through your day like you normally would, right?
Jake: Fine, I'll get some water. (stands up)
(black screen with text: '30 SECONDS LATER')
Jake: (coming back with a glass of water, noticing a computer on his desk) Okay... What?
Amir: (winks and makes a sound with his mouth)
Pat: Where the hell is my computer?
Amir: (whispering towards Jake) We're in the clear! (winks and makes the sound with his mouth)
Sarah: Oh, Amir stole it and put it on Jake's desk.
Amir: (whispering towards Jake) No way he's believing that. (makes the sound with his mouth once more)
Pat: I heard that.
Amir: (whispering towards Jake) No way. (makes the sound with his mouth several times)
Sarah: Are you okay?
Amir: (shakes his head)

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