Script for EBay |
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Opening Sequence[]
- Amir: Gimme a J!
- Jake: No time to spell my name.
- Amir: Okay, I was spelling my name.
- Jake: Then you were wrong.
- Amir: Ah.
Episode[]
- Jake: Hey dude!
- Amir: (Singing to the tune of Hey Jude) Hey dude, don't make it brr! (not knowing the words)
- Jake: Yeah what's up? What are you doing?
- Amir: I'm just settling this area, making sure that everything is like... under... control...
- Jake: Sure sure, that's cool. Hey uh, quick question: (yelling) where the fuck is my stuff?
- Amir: (taking off earphones) Huh?
- Jake: You were not wearing those a second ago.
- Amir: Sorry?
- Jake: My desk is empty, alright? Everything is gone.
- Amir: Ooooh, yeah! (laughs)
- Jake: (laughs)
- Amir: Have you ever heard of eBay?
- Jake: Yes.
- Amir: It's like an electronic bay...
- Jake: I said I heard of it. Did you sell my stuff on eBay?
- Amir: No. Well, I tried to. Def tried to. Tried to get some big players, big things, lots of bucks. Almost sold your computer for 10K. Split two ways, how does that sound?
- Jake: How much would that be?
- Amir: (streches his mouth's corners as to show unconfidence)
- Jake: You know, never mind. If you didn't sell my stuff, where is it?
- Amir: Well, at first I didn't sell it, true. But then, lowered the price, you know. (Begins speaking in British accent) Sans reserve, no reserve, got lots of more fishies, reeled a couple in, made some deals.
- Jake: Okay, so earlier when you said you didn't sell my stuff on eBay...
- Amir: Oh yeah yeah, I meant like, the prices were so low I was practically giving them away. So it was like... it was like a steal, you know?
- Jake: Yeah, it was a steal. You stole it from me.
- Amir: Sure, stole it and sold it brotha, I mean it's highway robbery, you know? What are we even arguing about anymore? I can't even remember!
- Jake: I guess it's not an argument if you're just admitting everything.
- Amir: (rubbing hands) Alright, problem-o solved-o!
- Jake: Okay, it's still not, I don't have any stuff!
- Amir: Alright, will you just go through your day like you normally would and then, if you happen to stumble upon a problem we'll take it from there, we'll cross that river when we get to it, okay?
- Jake: Almost sounds logical, but right off the bat I have no damn computer to turn on.
- Amir: Alright, right off the bat you usually get some water before you turn your computer on, so it doesn't look like you're stumbling through your day like you normally would, right?
- Jake: Fine, I'll get some water. (stands up)
- (black screen with text: '30 SECONDS LATER')
- Jake: (coming back with a glass of water, noticing a computer on his desk) Okay... What?
- Amir: (winks and makes a sound with his mouth)
- Pat: Where the hell is my computer?
- Amir: (whispering towards Jake) We're in the clear! (winks and makes the sound with his mouth)
- Sarah: Oh, Amir stole it and put it on Jake's desk.
- Amir: (whispering towards Jake) No way he's believing that. (makes the sound with his mouth once more)
- Pat: I heard that.
- Amir: (whispering towards Jake) No way. (makes the sound with his mouth several times)
- Sarah: Are you okay?
- Amir: (shakes his head)