Script for Finale - Part 1 (The Idea)
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Opening SequenceEdit

Amir: Hey, you're watching the end of an era.
Jake: Chill, man.
Amir: I am chill! Sorry. I am chill.


[The episode begins with a tracking shot through the office, where all of the employees are trying to work in spite of a loud argument taking place between Jake and Amir, who are still off-screen.]
Jake: Don't yell at me. Okay, buddy? You asked for my thoughts, and now you're immediately telling--
Amir: Shhh!
Jake: You're shushing me? Are you kidding?
Amir: Yeah, because opinions are like assholes: ya are one! And they stink, and so do you!
Jake: Nice, you butchered that phrase!
Amir: No.
Jake: Okay, why do you think you're wearing a good outfit for work?
Amir: Because it's healthy, dingus! My cousin Leron has a friend Chard who's a personal trainer!
Jake: He has a friend named Chard?
Amir: That's right. He's Swiss!
Jake: Swiss Chard.
Amir: Mm-hmm!
Jake: Good. Go home.
Amir: No!
Jake: Go home and change.
Amir: No, I have to work in it!
Jake: You have to work in that! Wow.
Amir: I have to work out in it! Yeah!
[The tracking shot ends, and Amir is revealed to be wearing a baggy silver sweat suit.]
Jake: You're not working out in it, you're just--
Amir: It doesn't matter. The one issue, honestly, is that it's a little hot. It's steamy. But--
Jake: That's the sole purpose of the suit. It's supposed to be a sweat suit.
Amir: --it is shiny. I like that it's shiny, and actually, I trust Chard.
Jake: You trust him?
Amir: I do trust Chard, because he has a record label.
Sam: [standing in the doorway of his office] Guys! My office, now!

[Jake and Amir are sitting in Sam's office.]
Amir: [doing a voice] What seems to be the problem here, officer? [laughs]
Sam: You guys haven't done any work in the last eight years, and you're fired.
Jake & Amir: Excuse...?
Sam: You come into work, mainly only on Tuesdays, you argue loudly, disrupting the entire team, and you have never contributed to this company...
Jake: That's not true, sir.
Sam: ...ever.
Jake: That is not true, and you know it. Alright, we've had two auditions at least, and, um, one or two table reads as well.
Sam: That is three to four instances of work in the last eight years.
Amir: Sorry, let me try to wrap my cock around this: you're saying me and you are done professionally?
Jake: Bad joke.
Amir: [laughing] It's not a joke! It's not a joke. Not everything is a joke.
Jake: Are you gonna say you didn't say that hoping people would laugh?
Amir: Nobody did laugh, though.
Sam: You see what you're doing? Even now you're arguing, and I'm firing you.
Amir: Give us one chance, dude, okay? One more opportunity. Mom's spaghetti. I swear we'll write not just one episode for you, but an entire web series... eight hundred fucking episodes.
Jake: Way too many.
Sam: Jesus.
Amir: And they'll be cheap, too. Because all of them will be Jake and I, chatting.
Jake: [sarcastically] Awesome pitch. That sounds really good.
Amir: Yeah! It'll be me and you talking.
Jake: Just talking at our desks?
Amir: Mm-hmm!
Jake: [giving Amir a thumbs-up] Yeah, I wanna watch that.
Amir: [laughing] I do!
Sam: This could work... I mean, you did kick Jake's tongue off last year.
Amir: [laughing] See? That's an episode! Another one could be, is if I'm, uh, a mime, or... I get a dog, or, uh, if I, one c-- one could be if I have a snake or bread.
Jake: You're just saying nouns, dude.
Amir: It's all funny, though, because if it's--
Jake: Well focus on one episode.
Amir: So think ab--
Jake: Let's make one episode funny, rather than just finish all eight hundred--
Amir: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no!
Sam: This... is the show.
Same & Amir: ...This... is the show. This is the show.
Sam, Jake & Amir: This is the show!
Sam: Stop it. I am with you guys. I'm willing to experiment with this, but I agree with Jake.
Amir: Thi--
Sam: Eight hundred episodes is too many. I mean, you can't just take the same format, and do it over and over, and over... and over.
Jake: That's enough.
Sam: Let's give one a shot and see how it comes out, and take it from there.
Amir: Sam, I have a feeling you're gonna love the first episode of Amir and Jake!
Sam: Hmm. That name... [crossing his hands over each other, implying a reversal] perfect.
Jake: It's not bad, but what about J--
Sam: Perfect!

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