Script for Job |
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Opening Sequence[]
- Jake: Hey, you're watching—
- Amir: Get in ma belly!
- Jake: Wow, c'mon.
- Amir: Fat Bastard.
- Jake: I know.
- Amir: So.
Episode[]
- Amir: Okay, here's one, here's one. Do you think you could train a parrot, to train a parrot? What? (laughs)
- Jake: Do you think we've been talking? You haven't said anything for two hours and that's the first thing you've said to me.
- Amir: rawwr! (laughs)
- Jake: What do you do here? Seriously.
- Amir: Aaah!
- Jake: No I really want to know. Somebody asked me the other day, they asked me what your job was, and I couldn't think of anything I've ever seen you do.
- Amir: (Puts his hands up so he's strangling thin air.) Eeeeee.
- Jake: C'mon. You come into work, sometimes with a computer—
- (Amir holds up his laptop.)
- Amir: Oooooh.
- Jake: Yes, you've brought it today, but like what's on it?
- (Amir shows Jake his laptop's screen.)
- Jake: Okay it appears to be off.
- Amir: Off, or sleeping? (Presses the space bar. Nothing happens.)
- Jake: Off.
- Amir: Dang it. Took a risk, went for it.
- Jake: Okay, what's the last email you sent?
- Amir: It's tough to say cause my computer's asleep at the moment.
- Jake: Well you have a phone right, what's on your phone?
- (Amir pulls out his phone.)
- Amir: Barbecue sauce.
- Jake: Lemme see it?
- (Amir tosses Jake his phone.)
- Jake: (Looking at the phone) No emails, no texts, one contact, 309 outgoing calls to someone named ##zzzzhelphello696969lol, but the number's mine.
- (Amir smiles and throws his palms up in the air, and Jake does likewise.)
- Jake: I don't know what to do! I'm gonna get you fired. I'm gonna try to get you fired.
- (Amir dusts off his shoulders.)
- Amir: Nah.
- Jake: I just think it's in everybody's best interest if I just do that. The only problem is I don't know who to talk to because—
- Amir: Because you don't know who my boss is, right? Cause you don't know what my job is. Sounds like you're S.O.L. (laughs)
- Jake: Maybe I'll just talk to Ricky.
- Amir: Wait don't! Okay. (Doing something with his laptop) I just didn't want to tell you what my job was because it was embarrassing, but if you really really really really wanna know...
- (The laptop makes a start up sound.)
- Jake: Sounds like your computer's starting up.
- Amir: No, it's not. Uhm... I look for work and a career. Monsters.
- Jake: Did you just Google search "job"?
- (Amir strangles the air.)
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