Script for Job
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Opening Sequence Edit

Jake: Hey, you're watching—
Amir: Get in ma belly!
Jake: Wow, c'mon.
Amir: Fat Bastard.
Jake: I know.
Amir: So.

Episode Edit

Amir: Okay, here's one, here's one. Do you think you could train a parrot, to train a parrot? What? (laughs)
Jake: Do you think we've been talking? You haven't said anything for two hours and that's the first thing you've said to me.
Amir: rawwr! (laughs)
Jake: What do you do here? Seriously.
Amir: Aaah!
Jake: No I really want to know. Somebody asked me the other day, they asked me what your job was, and I couldn't think of anything I've ever seen you do.
Amir: (Puts his hands up so he's strangling thin air.) Ugggh.
Jake: C'mon. You come into work, sometimes with a computer—
(Amir holds up his laptop.)
Amir: Oooooh.
Jake: Yes, you've brought it today, but like what's on it?
(Amir shows Jake his laptop's screen.)
Jake: Okay it appears to be off.
Amir: Off, or sleeping? (Presses the space bar. Nothing happens.)
Jake: Off.
Amir: Dang it. Took a risk, went for it.
Jake: Okay, what's the last email you sent?
Amir: It's tough to say cause my computer's asleep at the moment.
Jake: Well you have a phone right, what's on your phone?
(Amir pulls out his phone.)
Amir: Barbecue sauce.
Jake: Lemme see it?
(Amir tosses Jake his phone.)
Jake: (Looking at the phone) No emails, no texts, one contact, 309 outgoing calls to someone named ##zzzzhelphello696969lol, but the number's mine.
(Amir smiles and throws his palms up in the air, and Jake does likewise.)
Jake: I don't know what to do! I'm gonna get you fired. I'm gonna try to get you fired.
(Amir dusts off his shoulders.)
Amir: Nah.
Jake: I just think it's in everybody's best interest if I just do that. The only problem is I don't know who to talk to because—
Amir: Because you don't know who my boss is, right? Cause you don't know what my job is. Sounds like you're S.O.L. (laughs)
Jake: Maybe I'll just talk to Ricky.
Amir: Wait don't! Okay. (Doing something with his laptop) I just didn't want to tell you what my job was because it was embarrassing, but if you really really really really wanna know...
(The laptop makes a start up sound.)
Jake: Sounds like your computer's starting up.
Amir: No, it's not. Uhm... I look for work and a career. Monsters.
Jake: Did you just Google search "job"?
(Amir strangles the air.)


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