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Script for Lunch Meeting
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EpisodeEdit

(Jake and Amir are in a conference room. Amir runs out, and returns an indefinite amount of time later, still putting on a shirt identical to Jake's.)
Jake: So you left to get the same shirt as me?
Amir: Can't prove that. Let's eat.
Jake: Can we just try to get some work done before we do that, please?
Amir: Can I just eat before we get some work done? Because I'll be more productive if I have food in me.
Jake: You probably won't be, but fine. Not gonna argue.
Amir: (Using the phone) I'm gonna order something.
Jake: Okay.
Amir: (Talking into the phone) 911? Yes—
(Jake slams on the phone's switchook)
Jake: Jesus Christ, man!
Amir: What? You don't know how hungry I am! It's a fucking emergency dude.
Jake: Jus—it's not an emergency, just call Domino's.
Amir: I'm hungry as shit.
Jake: Don't care.
Amir: I'll do it the old fashioned way though, for you. (Talking into the phone) Bonjour, Domino's.
Jake: Pizza's Italian.
Amir: Uh, yes. Can I have 30 large cheese fromage pizzas—
Jake: That's too many.
Amir: Okay. 30 medium pizzas then.
Jake: But that's still 30. Amir.
Amir: (To Jake) I'll take the rest for dinner. Don't worry about it. (To Domino's) Uh, yes. That's fine. Uh, charge it to my credit card. The number... yes.
Jake: Okay then just hang up.
Amir: The number...
Jake: Hang up the phone.
Amir: The number of my credit card is 8.
(Jake hits the switchook)
Jake: Come on.
Amir: What if he believed it?
Jake: It wouldn't have been good if he believed it. I'm calling a deli. (Talking into the phone) Hi. Uh, can I have a turkey club? Uh, and...
Amir: 30 medium pizzas.
Jake: (To Amir) Instead of that.
Amir: Jam.
Jake: What kind of bread?
Amir: No bread.
Jake: That's disgusting, I'm not saying that. You say it.
Amir: Just... (takes the phone) Hi. Yeah, I'm sorry. Uh, can I have jam? Tuna fish, cracked pepper, and vinegar, on a chocolate croissant.
Jake: Oh my god, that's dis...
Amir: And, to drink... just... (To Jake) Do you want anything?
Jake: (Shaking his head) I lost my appetite.
Amir: (To the phone) Uh, just a keg of what Coke is made out of.
Jake: Syrup?
Amir: Just the syrup, yeah. Uh, yeah that should be fine. Oh! Um, and, do you guys... you know how turkey pastrami is like, turkey with a pastrami seasoning around it? Do you have that, but with Twinkies? With the seasoning? No. Okay. So that was just a dream of mine, then. That's fine, I was just checking.

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