Script for Miami - Part 3 (Bang Bus)
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: Aloha!
Jake: That's Hawaii.
Amir: No. Is it?


(Sam and Amir are trying to hitchhike, Sam sticking his middle finger at passing cars)
Sam: I don't get why nobody's pulling over, I've been doing this for an hour.
Amir: Use a different finger.
(Sam puts up his other middle finger)
Amir: That'll do it.
Sam: Hey! Hey!
Amir: Okay.
Sam: It's working!
Amir: Okay. Higher!
Sam: It's working!
Amir: Higher! Higher!
Sam: Hey!
(A van pulls over; the man in the passenger seat has a camera)
Cameraman: Hey what's up guys?
Sam: Hey man.
Cameraman: You guys need a ride?
Sam: Yeah, we're going to see Jake Hurwitz.
Cameraman: Oh that's perfect, we're actually heading in that direction.
Sam: Awesome.
Amir: That's great.
Sam: That's great.
Cameraman: Let's roll, come on!
(Sam and Amir get in the van)
Cameraman: Come on in, fellas.
Amir: Sup!
Sam: You guys got wall-to-wall carpet in your van!
Cameraman: Oh, isn't it great?
Sophia: Hi, guys!
Amir: Crazay. (The van starts to move and Amir almost loses his balance) Oh, hey, he's moving...
(Sam and Amir sit in the back, next to Sophia)
Sophia: Hi, I'm Sophia!
Sam: Hey Sophia, how's it going?
Sophia: Good!
Amir: Oh, this is like a...
Sophia: (Climbing on top of Sam and kissing him) Oo, I like you.
Amir: This is, like, other people are going to see Jake? Er...
Sam: Oh my god. I like you too.
Camerman: Be a little careful, she's a bit crazy.
Amir: Sam, stay in the game.
(Sophia climbs on Amir next)
Amir: Oh! Hi. I don't care.
Sophia: Hi!
Sam: I don't care.
Cameraman: But she's nice! You don't have to be shy.
Amir: No, no! I'm a—okay... Sam, what's still—
Sam: Hey Amir, can I talk to you on the other side of the van for a second?
Amir: Uh, sure. (To Sophia) We'll be back, I think.
(Sam and Amir go towards the front of the van)
Sam: Hey man, I think I really have a chance with this girl, and I'd appreciate it if you'd back the fuck off.
Amir: What are you talking—you just can't stand that for once in your life some girl loves me more than she loves you!
Sam: It's just so rare that I have so much in common with somebody right away.
Amir: So much in—what do you have in common with her?
Sam: We both think I'm cute!
(Sophia is about to have sex with another man in the back)
Amir: First of all, I'm sorry comprende but, you are not her type.
Sam: What do you mean I'm not her type?!
Amir: Okay, first of all, look at the guy she's with right now, right?
Sam: Yeah.
Amir: He looks like moi.
Sam: Okay he does not. He looks much more like moi than yoi.
Amir: No, look at his dick!
Sam: I am looking at his dick!

(Jake is still walking and on the phone)
Jake: Hey, Jamie! What's up? Yeah, um, I'm in Miami for work. So I have, like, meetings now, but maybe we could, uh, hang out after. Okay, um—no, now is fine! Now is good. Those meetings just aren't happening anymore.

(Back to Sam and Amir)
Amir: (Looking out the window) That looks like Jake!
Sam: That looks nothing like Jake's dick, Jake's dick doesn't have nearly that—
Amir: No, that looks like Jake!
(Sam looks out the window)
Sam: Oh my god that's Jake!
Amir: That is Jake!
Sam: Jake! Pull over!
Amir: Jake! Pull over!
Jake: I'm on 17th and Collins.
(The van pulls up to Jake)
Amir: Jake.
Jake: Oh my god. Hey psychos. What are you doing here?
Amir: Oh nothing much, psycho, just coming to rescue you.
Sam: Yeah psycho.
Jake: That's not a pet name.
Amir: Yeah Sam, butt out.
Sam: I wanna be a psycho.
Jake: How the hell did you guys get here, and what is this—you guys are in the Bang Bus.
Amir: What's a bang bus?
Jake: It's a porn site. They get strangers to fuck in a van.
Sam: No, there are no pornstars here. Just an awesome girl competing over mine and Amir's affection.
Jake: Is she fucking somebody?
Amir: Is she preparing for us? Yes.
Sam: (To Sophia) You know there's such a thing as overpreparing!
Jake: (To Jamie) Hey, I'm sorry. Um, what was that address again? I think I just found a ride.

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