Script for Muscle Tee
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: You're watching A Buff Dude and Amir.
(Punching sound)
Amir: Ow!


(Jake takes off his button-up shirt to reveal a muscle tee.)
Amir: Woah, cool tanktop.
Jake: Woah, cool wrong word for it.
Amir: What?
Jake: It's called a muscle tee, asswad.
Amir: Why?
Jake: Actually scratch that, it's called six months of pumping iron for this one moment.
Amir: Do you think that's a normal thing to wear around the office?
Jake: Do you think I'm not going to go to the park during lunch?
(Amir shrugs)
Jake: I don't come in wearing something that makes me feel vulnerable without having an airtight excuse for every line of questioning. Does that make me insecure? You bet your ass it does.
Amir: Just wear a t-shirt then, you'll look normal and you won't be as angry.
Jake: GQ Teens says the summer look is Toms Shoes, Ray-Bans, boardshorts... (indicates his muscle tee) and a muscle tee. Or was that Joseph Gordon-Levitt doppelganger that I saw at the Starbucks on 9th Avenue not styling.
Amir: Doppelganger?
Jake: Wasn't 100% sure he was the 3rd Rock from the Sun star, and, upon asking for his autograph, I found he was not. Still snagged this sweet pic though.
(Shows Amir the pic)
Amir: He looks pissed at you.
Jake: He was.
Amir: So why follow his fashion advice?
Jake: Cause a sleeveless shirt for this piece o' dirt makes that sweet pussy go squirt!
(Jake squirts milk from his mouth while fingering it)
Amir: How?!
Jake: I 69'd my dad! At a rave!
Amir: What?!
Jake: I'm obviously joking. The point is that I attend raves! And while I've never done anything more than kiss a bouncer on the cheek to get in and then be sold fake ecstasy by a sweaty tween, still cooler than your last Tuesday.
Amir: I guess.
Jake: (Mocking Amir in a high pitched voice) You guess? You guess? You guess? (Normal voice) I shared a fucking glowing pacifier dude. With a legit five and a half. That's two points hotter than my last girlfriend.
Amir: What?
Jake: (Singing the McDonald's jingle) Da da da da da, I'm lovin' snatch.
Amir: That actually is a cool look.
Jake: No shlit dude.
(Tearing sounds)
Jake: No no, hey, don't! Dude!
(Amir has ripped off the sleeves of his shirt)
Amir: I'm going sleeveless! Yeah! A dank tank for this man stank make the punanny smell rank!
Jake: That's not a tank! Bad rhyme, doesn't count!
(Pat enters, wearing a muscle tee identical to Jake's but for the color)
Pat: Woah, hey look, guys! Guys! (Indicates his muscle tee) Tanktop triplets!
Jake: Get him out of here!
Amir: (To Pat) Get out of here man!
Jake: Get him out of here!
Amir: He 69'd his dad!
Jake: At a rave! Tell him where it was!
Amir: It was a rave, yeah!
Pat: (Amused) Why?

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