Script for Nuggets
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: You're watching Ja—OW what was that?!
Amir: A thumbtack, relax.
Jake: Oh, my eye!


(Vikram and Cassidy are eating nuggets at Amir's desk when Jake comes in)
Jake: Woah woah woah, hey! You guys—what the hell are you guys doing?! Get out of here! (They scurry off) Those are Amir's, leave them alone!
(Amir comes in)
Amir: What are Amir's?
Jake: Hey, buddy. Take a walk with me.
Amir: Okay. Lemme just grab my lunch.
Jake: No no no no—don't go over there.
Amir: Why not?
Jake: It's about your lunch.
Amir: Yeah, left it on my desk.
Jake: It's not there.
Amir: Yeah it is, I left it there.
Jake: It's gone, alright. Somebody ate it.
Amir: Come on, this isn't funny anymore.
Jake: I'm not trying to be funny, alright. It's not gonna be there.
Amir: Let go of me, man! Lemme go get my lunch!
Jake: Your lunch isn't there, man!
Amir: What are you talking about? What happened to it? What happend to it?!
Jake: It's gone! Somebody ate it!
Amir: No. No! No way. No, no no fuck me.
Jake: Amir, it's alright, look. We're gonna get you new nuggets, okay man? Get you some new nuggets.
Amir: You can't get me new nuggets, man! Okay, those were dark meat, thigh meat. I bought in 1998 wholesale before they were discontinued. Alright? Those were aged 13 years to perfection, I deep fried them this morning! Who did this?!
Jake: It's not important who did it. Alright, just let them—
Amir: Don't tell me what's important. Who did this?
(Jake glances at Vikram and Cassidy)
Jake: I did it. It was me.
(Amir follows Jake's gaze to Vikram and Cassidy)
Jake: Hey. Look at me, don't do anything stupid, alright? Hey, man!
(Amir goes over to Vikram and Cassidy, and lifts Vikram, who still has nuggets in his mouth, against the wall)
Amir: Is that my nuggets in there? Is that my nuggets in there?!
(Pieces of nugget fall out of Vikram's mouth and Amir eats them. Cassidy pukes at the sight, and Amir turns around and eats her puke.)
Jake: What are you doing?!
Amir: Just taking back what's rightfully mine.
Jake: Was that worth it?
Amir: You know what? No. Kinda just mostly tasted like puke.
Cassidy: You ate my puke.
Amir: In your dreams, sweetheart.
Jake: No, in reality.
Amir: I know.
Jake: What were you thinking?
Amir: I know, I said!

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