Script for Party Planning |
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Opening Sequence[]
- Amir: When I say Jake, you say Amir. Jake.
- (Silence)
- Amir: Wow, I hate you.
Episode[]
(Jake, Amir and some others are sitting in a room)
- Amir: Alright guys, thanks for coming to El Meeting.
- Vincent: Uh, you didn't call this meeting.
- Amir: Uh, I know, I'm just thanking people for coming to it. Or is it illegal to thank people ya fat prick?
(New Scene)
- Jake: Okay, we just need to plan this intern appreciation surprise party.
- Amir: (Lifting Jake's arm) Exactly, me and my boyfriend were talking about it—
- Jake: (Angrily jerking back his arm) Ugh, what the hell are you doing!
- Amir: What?
- Jake: I'm not you're boyfriend.
- Amir: Oh my god, sorry, you're a boy and you're my friend. Relax, I misspoke.
- Jake: Okay, so you're justifying it or you misspoke? Which one?
- Amir: Yes.
(New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff.)
- Amir: —fucking face you Jew! Give me a reason to kill you!
(New Scene) (Everything is back and calm)
- Dan: Alright, so how do we get the interns in there without them knowing it's a party.
- Amir: (Laughs) I'm sorry, who are you?
- Dan: Uhm, Dan, I've worked here almost three years dude.
- Amir: Oh, dude, okay, dude, this is how we do things around here bud. Round 1: when you..err (knocks on table). Wow, totally spaced out. Uh, no, but, he uh, B-Brad said something good which was, uh, that, say that one more time? How are we going to get them there without them knowing that it's a, cause it's a surprise... He's uh... New guy made a dec' point! (Talking in high pitch) Holy crap, sound the alarms!
(New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff again.)
- Amir: I wanna diiie! Hit me you fu—
(New Scene) (Everything is back and calm)
- Jeff: A lot of the interns are under 21, so we're go—
- Amir: So you can't fuck 'em.
- Jeff: So we're gonna have to be careful with alcohol.
- Amir: (Speaking to Jake) You said I couldn't fuck 'em!
- Everyone but Amir and Dan: You can't fuck them!
- Dan: (Simultaneously with everyone else) You can't butt fuck them!
- Amir: I know! Relax, moms.
(New Scene)
- Pat: Yeah I can call the karaoke place, but someone else has to dial for me because Amir broke my fingers—
- Amir: Are we married to the karaoke idea? Because it sounds like a sausage fest, and gay marriage is illegal in New York (laughs). Nothing, huh? No laughter, but if Jake says it everyone's fucking cracking up I bet.
- Jake: They wouldn't crack up.
- Amir: I would be! I would be.
(New Scene)
- Amir: (Rapping) And we, appreciate you interns, wanna jump up and down, wanna move you to the left like a glass of Pepto Bismol, ain't no—
- Dan: Okay yeah you shouldn't freestyle at the party, that was really bad.
- Amir: Okay I think it was bad too, man.
(New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff again.)
- Amir: Hit me in the fucking face!
(New Scene)
- Pat: So, if the room is 300 dollars for the night—
- Amir: I'm sorry, do I have to be here anymore?
- Everyone else: No!
- Amir: Fuck it! I'm staying, just, can we please (gesturing and trying to whistle) hurry it up? (Speaking to Jake) Can you whistle when I do that cause I can only... (tries to whistle again)
- Jake: No.
Outro[]
(Amir is walking by some interns sitting at a table)
- Amir: Thursday night, surprise party.
- Intern: What?
- Amir: Thursday night, surprise party, so. Run by moi, for yoi, so. Act grateful. (Claps) And surprised.
(Camera pans to Jake, who looks annoyed)