[Intro]
Jake: You're watching Jake & Amir
Amir: Stop telling them what to do!
Jake: I didn't!
[video begins]
[the video opens with Jake, Amir( who is wearing a bunny suit), and all other employees watching Guy open his present]
Guy: [tears wrapping off of a biker's helmet with the color scheme of an Amercian flag] Whoa,this is perfect for my new hog!
[Everyone claps besides Amir,who is shaking his head in disagreement]
Amir: Nah,what? Stop! [everyone stops clapping] Bad gift, bad gift given by a bad man!
Girl: I gave it!
Amir: A bad WO-man. A wolf in cheap clothing! [he picks at her dress]
Girl: Hey!
Jake: Hey, Hey,don't touch her,alright! [to girl] Sorry.
Girl: Thanks.
Other girl: OK,me next!
[Amir angerly glances at Jake and turns towards the other girl as she unwraps her present]
Other girl: It's a picture of Murph! [She holds up a frammed picture of Murph] And he looks really good! [Murph awkwardly smiles while everyone claps]
Amir: BOOO! She already has that!
Other girl: No, I don't!
Amir: You do now! She has it now, how can you argue against that?
Jake: No body is-
Amir: She has it now!
Jake: No body is arguing that,alright? But can I ask you a question? Ya know,everyone else looks normal here, but.... what are you wearing?
[the camera zooms out,showing Amir wearing a pink,headless bunny-onesie as he shrugs]
Amir: Jeans.
Jake:They're clearly not jeans. They're some pink onesie-[Amir turns around, inspecting his clothing, showing feces smeared against his rear] And ya shit yourself!
Amir: I got excited!
Jake: Not a good reason! It's a bad reason to shit in your pants and like you scotch-taped mistletoe above your-
Amir: Yeah,above my Dee, 'cause I'm tryin to get it kiss.
[Jake shakes his head in disgust]
Amir: What?
Jake: You have fresh shit in your onesie and you're trying to get your dick sucked?
Amir: It's called a blumpkin,alright, I've already pooped myself so the blowy is in route.
Jake: You're horrible.
Amir: What about you? You should put some mistletoe on that camel toe,huh? Make the girls scream, 'Ho-Ho-NO!'
Jake: Just go open your gift,you fucking sociopath. [Amir walks to the front to open his present]
[he tears the wrapping off a clipboard]
Amir: Whoa, it's a petition signed by everyone in the office saying they 'We Want you out of our lives'.
[everyone claps as Amir celebrates]
Amir: Thank you! Thank you!
Jake: Stop it, it's not a nice gift.
[everyone besides Jake and Amir start chanting 'AMIR SUCKS' as Amir dances happily.
[someone throws Amir a noose, as which he catches]
Amir: Whoa, a lasso! Kinky!
Crowd: AMIR SUCKS! AMIR SUCKS! AMIR SUCKS!
Jake: You know what? Stop it,you guys! I'm disappointed in all of you guys! [everyone goes silent]
Amir: Giggity, Giggity!
Jake: Stop it, they want you kill yourself.
Amir: Giggity goo! Hehe.
Jake: Look,you guys,I know Amir isn't the easiest person to work with. I know more than anybody,but it's the holiday season. It's the season of second chances,right? So what do ya say if we just put aside our differences for 12 hours,we go downstairs, we have the best holiday party this company has ever- OH NO!
[Amir has one end of the noose tied around his neck and the other tied to the ceiling with everyone hodling him up as he makes choking noises.]
Murph: Drop on three! Drop on three! ONE,TWO,THR-
Jake: [runs over to hold Amir up] NO,NO,NO!
[the video ends]