Script for Sickly
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Opening SequenceEdit

Amir: (Groggily) Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Jake: Wow, are you okay?
Amir: I think I"m gonna throw up. (Retches)
Jake: Oh no!


(Amir sneezes messily)
Jake: You know, if you're sick you should just go home.
Amir: You'd love that, wouldn't you.
Jake: ...Yes.
(Amir sneezes again)
Amir: Well, sorry, but I'm not sick. Alright, never have...
Jake: Usually people follow that up with "never will".
Amir: Well you never know, right?
Jake: But you're definitely sick.
Amir: Okay, this is what we're gonna do: I'm gonna cough in your mouth, if you're not sick in two days, I was right. If you are sick in two days, we'll chalk that up to being a weird coincidence, and we'll call it a draw.
Jake: Okay so there's no way that I'm right.
Amir: That's correct.
Jake: Then why on Earth would I let you cough into my mouth?
Amir: I am that confident.
Jake: I'm not questioning your confidence, I'm questioning what you're confident of.
Amir: Okay, now you're not making sense. Just get over here, buttf**ker!
Jake: Is that from something?
Amir: (Shaking his head) I don't know.
Jake: That makes it so much worse. I'm not letting you sneeze into my mouth.
Amir: What's the matter, Jakey? 'Fraid you won't get sick?
Jake: The exact opposite, actually.
Amir: You're n—you're not—you are not afraid that yo—
Jake: You don't know what opposites are, that's okay.
Amir: That's fine, cause I don't need to know what opposites are.
Jake: That's technically true, though you probably should.
Amir: Yes, well, what I don't know can't kill me.
Jake: Interesting. Do you know what a heart attack is?
Amir: No.
Jake: Diabetes?
Amir: No.
Jake: Malnourishment?
Amir: Definitely not.
Jake: Three things that can kill you. Malnourishment probably is killing you right now—
Amir: Listen can I just come over there and—
Jake: Cough into my mouth? No, are you crazy?
Amir: Oo, I bet you think I'm—
Jake: So predictable, yeah, yeah I do.
Amir: I wasn't gonna say that.
Jake: What were you gonna say then?
(Amir stares blankly)
Jake: Did you fall asleep or something—?
Amir: Buttf**ker.

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