Script for Sickly |
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Opening Sequence[]
- Amir: (Groggily) Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
- Jake: Wow, are you okay?
- Amir: I think I"m gonna throw up. (Retches)
- Jake: Oh no!
Episode[]
- (Amir sneezes messily)
- Jake: You know, if you're sick you should just go home.
- Amir: You'd love that, wouldn't you.
- Jake: ...Yes.
- (Amir sneezes again)
- Amir: Well, sorry, but I'm not sick. Alright, never have...
- Jake: Usually people follow that up with "never will".
- Amir: Well you never know, right?
- Jake: But you're definitely sick.
- Amir: Okay, this is what we're gonna do: I'm gonna cough in your mouth, if you're not sick in two days, I was right. If you are sick in two days, we'll chalk that up to being a weird coincidence, and we'll call it a draw.
- Jake: Okay so there's no way that I'm right.
- Amir: That's correct.
- Jake: Then why on Earth would I let you cough into my mouth?
- Amir: I am that confident.
- Jake: I'm not questioning your confidence, I'm questioning what you're confident of.
- Amir: Okay, now you're not making sense. Just get over here, buttf**ker!
- Jake: Is that from something?
- Amir: (Shaking his head) I don't know.
- Jake: That makes it so much worse. I'm not letting you sneeze into my mouth.
- Amir: What's the matter, Jakey? 'Fraid you won't get sick?
- Jake: The exact opposite, actually.
- Amir: You're n—you're not—you are not afraid that yo—
- Jake: You don't know what opposites are, that's okay.
- Amir: That's fine, cause I don't need to know what opposites are.
- Jake: That's technically true, though you probably should.
- Amir: Yes, well, what I don't know can't kill me.
- Jake: Interesting. Do you know what a heart attack is?
- Amir: No.
- Jake: Diabetes?
- Amir: No.
- Jake: Malnourishment?
- Amir: Definitely not.
- Jake: Three things that can kill you. Malnourishment probably is killing you right now—
- Amir: Listen can I just come over there and—
- Jake: Cough into my mouth? No, are you crazy?
- Amir: Oo, I bet you think I'm—
- Jake: So predictable, yeah, yeah I do.
- Amir: I wasn't gonna say that.
- Jake: What were you gonna say then?
- (Amir stares blankly)
- Jake: Did you fall asleep or something—?
- Amir: Buttf**ker.