Script for Taste Test
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Opening SequenceEdit

Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: And I bet you I can eat this microphone.
Jake: No no no no.
(Amir chokes)
Jake: Oh god, no no!
Amir: Okay.


(Jake and Amir are sitting at a table with some food on it. Jake finishes putting a blindfold on Amir.)
Jake: Alright. Do you know why you're here?
Amir: Oh sheesh y'all, t'was a dream!
Jake: Okay.

Jake: You crying?
Amir: No!

Jake: I'm gonna give you a blindfolded taste test, see if you like some new food, and hopefully we can expand your diet.
Amir: Okay, I do expand it already, so. I eat mo' and mo' chicken noogets every day.

Jake: Here we go. (Feeds Amir a piece of pineapple)
Amir: Och. Blach. Oh my god.
Jake: How is it?
Amir: Tastes like a cold and sweet... like a wet chicken nugget or something.
Jake: That's a pineapple.
(Amir spits it out onto the floor)
Amir: Needs barbeque sauce.

Jake: Alright, this is kinda like a chicken nugget: grilled chicken.

(Amir is holding the grilled chicken)
Amir: The shape is good. Honestly, the shape is good, but I'm gonna put it on the floor for now. We'll file it under 'F' for floor.

Jake: Man.
(Amir tries some water and spits it onto the floor)
Jake: Oh!
Amir: Oh, god! What is this, poison?!
Jake: It's water!
Amir: It's so... not salty.

Amir: Alright, next thing better not be green because I swear I'm allergic.
Jake: That's impossible.
Amir: Yeah I thought so too, until I ate that moldy piece of bread last week. Remember?

(Jake is putting down the water)
Amir: Uhhhhhh...
Jake: Don't be sad, it's fine. It's fine.

Amir: Alright, untie me you fool!
Jake: You're not tied up.
Amir: Oh. Yeah. My hands feel really weak.
Jake: It's probably your diet.
Amir: Yeah, probabl—well, definitely my diet.

Amir: Alright, just put it in my hand and I'll put it in my mouth.
Jake: Fine.
(Jake puts a piece of broccoli in Amir's hand and he throws it away)
Jake: You're not even gonna try to be discreet, huh?
Amir: Nay.

Amir: Oh my god, I'm blind!
Jake: You're blindfolded.
Amir: No, it's even darker here than yooj!
Jake: Try opening your eyes.
Amir: Okay, I'm not an idiot, okay, it's not—ah.
Jake: What did you do?
Amir: Uh, nothing. I just adjusted something, nothing you told me to do. Bitch.

Amir: Wanna just chill in here for a little while and talk smack about Jeff?
Jake: So you forgot why we're here in the first place.
Amir: I think it's quite obvious I have.

Amir: Ready.
Jake: Ready, here you go. (Puts the chicken in Amir's mouth, or rather, just between his teeth)
Amir: Yummy!
Jake: That one good?
Amir: Yeah, supa.
Jake: You like that one?
Amir: It's a good one.
Jake: That's a good one. You like it a lot.
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: Put it in your mouth, all the way.
Amir: Nah.
Jake: Put it in your mouth all the way and eat it. You're not chewing it. You're not chewing it. You're not doing anything.
(Amir spits it out)
Amir: Well it tastes like garbage!

(Jake is holding a chicken nugget)
Jake: Chicken nugget. Do you think I was gonna feed this to you accidentally?
Amir: I don't know what you're talking about, so.
Jake: Alright, well, here we go. (Feeds Amir a cauliflower)
Amir: Mm. Yummy.
Jake: You like that?
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: That's cauliflower, man. Amir?

(Amir is choking Jake on the table)
Amir: I f**king trusted you you son of a bitch!

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