Script for Twitter
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(Amir has his phone out)
Amir: Just texting, texting texting texting. Jake. Texting—
Jake: Yup?
Amir: —texting, is this thing on?
Jake: Cool.
Amir: I'm texting.
Jake: Got it.
Amir: Using T9. The Terminator.
Jake: What?
Amir: Sorry if my texting is bothering you?
Jake: Your talking is bothering me.
Amir: Sorry, then I'll just sit here and text. I shall tiaxt. (Falsetto) Tiaxt with my dia—
Jake: Don't.
Amir: 'Kay. I'm texting my Twitter, though. I'm texting my Twitter account.
Jake: You got a Twitter?
Amir: Don't act so shocked, you ********************.
Jake: That was unnecessarily mean.
Amir: Sorro.
Jake: Do you even know what a Twitter is?
Amir: (Rapping) Lemme explain in a way you understand, it's a place that—
Jake: I'll understand words.
Amir: Alright. It's an online place that you keep your secrets.
Jake: How's that?
Amir: Basically you, like, text a website, and it privately stores your information online, like in a lock—like an online lockbox—like a lockbox—like a loc—Jake, remember Alfred Gore?
Jake: Albert Gore. You know, I think Twitter's actually—
Amir: Actually what?
Jake: Actually a great way to keep your secrets. Good call, good call.
Amir: Would you say it's the best call ever?
Jake: No.
Amir: Well, would you say that it's the best call ever right now?
Jake: What's your Twitter's name?
Amir: (Sarcastically) Doyt Hickey. (Seriously) jakeandamir.
Jake: Right, you use that for everything.
Amir: For sure.
Jake: Not saying it's a good thing.
Amir: But you're saying that it's a thing.
Jake: I guess. I don't—what does it matter if it's a th—yeah, it's a—obviously—
Amir: Just shut your fat lips and tell me how to spell weenis!


Jake: W.
Amir: Slow down!

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