Script for Wise
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Opening Sequence Edit

Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: Alright, cut.
Jake: AAHH, he cut me! He cut me!

Episode Edit

(Amir fumbles with a fortune cookie, trying to get the fortune out)
Amir: Hi.
Jake: Hey.
Amir: Create your own reality; don't wait for happiness. You know?
Jake: Fortune cookie, nice.
Amir: Amir cookie, nice.
Jake: Don't yell!
Amir: It's a word of wisdom I came up with, and you're giving me jackshit for credit.
Jake: You sure it wasn't inside that fortune cookie that you just opened? There's crumbs all over you.
Amir: This is sand, okay? I was eating a sand-based nut, a sandnut, so there's cookie sand all over me if that's what you're bitching about.
Jake: How is it cookie sand if it was a sandnut? Also, neither of those things exist. Cookie sand and sandnut? You made them both up.
Amir: Create your own reality and don't wait for happiness, okay? It is only by creating that that that that that that that joy that you can be in the zone.
Jake: Sounds like you're trying to remember what the fortune cookie said, now you're not quite getting it.
Amir: No, I said create... What I came up with was "Create your own reality, and don't wait for happiness. It is by creating that that that that that that that joy that you can be in the zone."
Jake: First part makes sense, the second part does not sound smart.
Amir: How's this for not sounding smart: I once ate a gay beetle.
Jake: How'd you know it was gay?
Amir: It was humping another beetle.
Jake: Was it another male beetle?
Amir: Does it matter?
Jake: Why'd you eat it?
Amir: Doesn't matter.
Jake: Fine. Whatever. Cause create your own reality, don't wait for happiness, right?
Amir: Hahaha, you're talking out of your ass.
Jake: Ugh, new laugh?
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: It's bad.
Amir: It's good.
Jake: Lemme see the fortune.
(Amir gives Jake the fortune)
Jake: "It is only in creating that that that joy that you can be in the zone."
Amir: Told you!
Jake: Where did you get these?
Amir: A homeless asian dwarf lady gave me like 20 of these on the way to work today.
Jake: Lemme have one.
(Amir gives Jake a fortune cookie. Jake starts eating it.)
Jake: OW, OW!
Amir: What is it?!
Jake: It's sharp and hot!
Amir: I told you! It's a sand nut, you're not supposed to eat it, you're supposed to just read the fortune!
Jake: Where's the for−AGH there's a beetle in here!
Amir: Is it gay?!

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